I will judge you solely on how you pronounce “mischievous”

I do not have a non-bohemian favorite rhapsody.

I guess billionaires always win because of the BILLIONS OF DOLLARS THEY HAVE.

Horror movie idea:

“The Splurge”

Shop... until you drop... ...read more

Whenever I hear someone's age for the first time, all I can think is “Damn, you must have had a really hard life.“

Try to get a job you can't get fired from under any circumstances.

I'm no hero. I'm just a guy who uses proper punctuation.

Just told someone to shut all their mouths.

Sci-Fi Fun Fact:

No character in Star Trek even said “Beam me up, Scotty.” The actual line is, “Play it again, Scotty.”

I don't have the time, patience, or velvet case needed to be an aficionado.

I view the time I ate an entire bag of croutons when there were no other snacks in the house as a tale of perseverance and triumph.

I miss the cover-ups being worse than the crimes.