Easy way to end a conversation: start break-dancing.
Dating is hard for me, since I only watch movies about mannequins that come to life.
What movie(s) do you consider unremakable, unrebootable, or unreimaginable, based on the story, cast, directing, or sheet perfection of the original?
Serial women-drugger wears outrageous sweaters.
#ExplainTVShowsBadly
Every single time I see a picture of an animal, I picture what their human voice would sound like. Post a pic of any animal, and I will tell you who the animal would sound like if they could talk.
If a pet PLEASE indicate male or female!
I truly thought things would get better when people stopped swapping faces.
Remember: They're iPhones. Not your parents' love.
Never trust a tattoo artist who works out of the back of a Subway.
ME WHEN I DON'T UNDERSTAND BUT CAN'T LISTEN TO THEM TALK ANYMORE:
“That makes sense.”
Only six avi changes this week.
You ok?
Sorry, things that aren't traumatic, you had your chance.
Just saw an ad for the “Best Gas Station Fried Chicken.” Is this a crowded category?