If someone sends one of yours a dick pic, you send one of theirs a pic of an even bigger dick. That's the Chicago way.
Jared Kushner and Stephen Miller should die in prison.
Now, who wants ice cream?
Have not been following the news too closely, but apparently Ben Shapiro wants people to describe dicks to him?
It takes two to be creeped out.
One to be creepy as fuck, and another to spray them with pepper spray.
I'm going to thank you all in the liner notes of my new CD.
Imagine an administration as ruthless in the pursuit of good as the current administration is in the name of evil.
If they don't talk shit about you behind your back, they're just not that into you.
Self is tired of the notes.
All best friends secretly can't stand each other, but now it's too late to get a new best friend.
When I unsubscribe from an e-mail list, and they have one of those annoying surveys asking for a reason why I unsubscribed, I click "Other" and write "I used to make sweet love to your CEO and these e-mails are a painful reminder of our time together."
Fully convinced that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, as deaths reached 1 million people, the media would still report it as "both sides."
"Huge Divide Over Stopping Zombies From Eating Our Brains"