YO YO YO WHERE MY PEOPLE WHO WILL LIKE AND RETWEET THIS TWEET AT???
Life Hack:
Whatever you're doing, stop.
Sean Penn drinks a bottle of small batch whiskey before each sentence.
Hey, you know who else did their own research? THE FUCKING RESEARCHERS WHO INVENTED THE FUCKING VACCINES.
Larry David does things he should be murdered for, but no one does it.
#ExplainTVShowsBadly
I go into supermarkets and glue crusts onto the Uncrustables.
No matter what anyone says about you behind your back, it's probably true.
Q gives white women a chance to be as dumb as white men.
New superhero concept:
Part Hall. Part Oates.
All Hero. ...read more
I have fewer wise talking animal mentors than I was lead to believe.
So many Felicias.
But never enough goodbyes.
ME: We're in a rut
HER: <holds up ski masks>
ME: Bank or liquor store?
HER: Duh
ME: I love you ...read more