Clouds gather. A single crow can be heard in the distance. A baby cries. Off-key windchimes are stirred by a cold breeze.

Today would not be the day the vending machine company refills slot C8.

BREAKING: Rich Person Justifies Dickish Actions

Halloween Costume Idea No. 146:

Sexy Ballot Drop Box

“Beverly Hills Cop III” really holds up

I wish I had something to leak other than texts from CVS about my prescription refills.

By the time they get to “short” in “long story short,” the story is already too long.

Most popular 2020 Halloween costume:

Sexy Never Leaving The House

ME: Hey. You're my wonder wall.

HER: What?

ME: Nothing.

HER: I'm your wall?

ME: Never mind. Who wants pizza? ...read more

Morning Twitter scroll

Clever
Clever
Political
Clever
Aubrey Plaza
Cat
Political
OVERTLY SEXUAL
Clever
Dog
Political
Political
Po... ...read more

I hope this guy yelling at everyone isn't up for an important job.

Holla if the entire world laughed at your leader today.

I like my wastes of time like I like my shrimp: colossal